Walking With My Brother

Restarting … Again

Greetings Friends,

So, it’s been a minute (724,320 minutes and counting, actually), since I posted here. Saying I’ve been busy seems a lame excuse … on the one hand. On the other, it’s been good stuff that’s kept me occupied — sometimes puzzled, often times not knowing what I’m doing — with the unsurprising bunch of mistakes and false starts, but always waiting patiently (or trying to) and staying alert for Our Lord’s inspiration and direction.

When last we met…

I had just finished posting the meditations on the mysteries of the Rosary. As I posted my final meditation — it was on the Institution of the Holy Eucharist from the Luminous Mysteries — the spirit had already begun moving — pulling me, pushing me, and generally making a fuss — insisting that, regardless of how little I knew about getting a book published, having the meditations published in some form was the obvious next step. “You’re not getting any younger,” he said. “You need to get a move on.”

Thinking I would dutifully approach publishing in the traditional painstaking way I’d always heard about, I sent off my manuscript to a well-known Catholic publisher. I waited for what seemed a generous amount of time for a response (months). Not even a rejection letter. That seemed odd. It was accompanied by such a nice cover letter too, I thought.

So I sent a second copy to the same publisher/editor. Within days I received a email rejecting my work ever so nicely, but firmly.

Thinking it odd that I received a response so quickly the second time, when I’d waited months following the first submission, I thought to plow back through my sent messages. Came to find that the email I thought I’d sent was sitting still in my drafts file with no hint of a message having actually gone out. (Was this a sign I’d misinterpreted Our Lords direction? I considered it. Or was it just the pesky ol’ devil messing with me?)

I had intended to be patient and humble in my expectations and to send the manuscript to subsequent publishers. By this time, though (now four plus prayer-filled months on), I’d become both more confident about Our Lord’s direction and had a growing sense of impatience to move forward.

Next stop — self publishing

Several writer friends suggested looking into publishing through Amazon. They talk about how easy it is. So, my next foray was to contact Amazon publishing. Hah! The devil is a crafty…well…devil. Little did I realize that there were multiple would-be publishers USING (misusing) AMAZON’S LOGO out there, just waiting with promises to take care of everything in exchange for my money. $1,500 later I realized I’d been good and properly had by an unscrupulous group having nothing to do with Amazon except misuse of its familiar logo. (Self-publishers beware. I understand there is already a class-action suit to go after one of these bad actors. But they apparently disappear into the online mists, only to reappear under other names still misusing familiar Amazon branding.)

Interestingly, (well, for me anyway) throughout this multi-month process, I realized I probably knew and had as much experience in drafting, editing, layout, and pagination, as most of the people I’d been communicating with up to this point. The obvious question: why wasn’t I just doing this myself as I’d done for years professionally, working directly with the printer and his design people?

And that’s what I did toward the bottom of 2024

There were other unforeseen challenges — things I know now that I didn’t then — or things that I’d forgotten — like how to work with a printer, so they could help me most effectively. Through it all, as frustrating as it all could have been — would have been at other times in my life — the Holy Spirit seemed always to be there, letting me know He was with me, offering suggestions for corrections and motivations for my next moves, helping me make my way through the myriad challenges.

It was a humbling experience. I don’t think there’s been a time in my life when I remember having so many opportunities to apologize and go back and re-do, then move forward again, baby-stepping my way through the process. All of these though were accompanied by even greater sense that God was listening and watching, guiding and teaching, and generally, letting me know that He was walking with me every step of the way.

The Way of the Rosary

And, we (the Holy Spirit and I) did it. Not long after the New Year I picked up 100 copies of The Way of the Rosary, From “Yes” to Sharing in the Great Feast. I think its beautiful. Here’s a picture of it.

I especially like the front cover. It is a picture of a life-sized sculpture of the Last Supper, carved from ice by a friend, who used to participate in ice sculpting competitions around the world (or at least the freezing parts).

The picture on the back cover is the Annunciation in bas-relief that I discovered situated over the entrance to an apartment on a random side street in old town Florence, Italy.

I was lucky. The stories of Christ and his mother in Our Lady’s Rosary prayers have prompted so much beautiful artwork over the 2000 years since He was with us here. When you start looking, you start seeing it everywhere. And I was able to take my own pictures or find images online depicting some aspect of each of the mysteries.

No matter how beautiful the words, visuals seem always to enhance one’s experience.

My To-Do List

Anyway, in my dash to do, I pretty much set aside things I didn’t understand very well. After editing, layout and printing, there was a long list of these, like copyrights, QR codes, distribution (I still haven’t figured out distribution, other than to give the book away to friends).

But there was one thing — maybe the most important thing — about which I was completely ignorant — one of those unknown unknowns we hear about. Thankfully, with the help of the Holy Spirit, I learned about it just in time (which is to say, before I went to print).

As a shy neophyte in this arena, I wasn’t inclined to talk to many people about what I was doing. But in telling one nice woman from our church about my plans to publish a book of Rosary meditations, she thought to ask if I had received my nihil obstat from the Church. Ah…what?

Awesome, I thought. I (a convert, remember) have no idea what you’re talking about.

But she was off to take a phone call before I could ask her what this meant or who I needed to work with to get this stamp of Church approval.

The literal translation from Latin means “nothing stands in the way.” Basically, it’s a certification from an official censor of the Roman Catholic Church, who, upon examining a manuscript, certifies it contains nothing objectionable on doctrinal or moral grounds…(thank you dictionary.com and brittanica.com).

I have to stop here to say that for years I’ve feared my writing might wander into statements that were doctrinally incorrect or which could lead someone (some unwary one) down the wrong path. So, as I thought more about this new hurdle, I was sure it was not just another obstruction to finishing my project, but a true gift from God, answering prayers I’d not even thought to pray out loud.

Not to worry. He wasn’t finished. Not long after, I was talking with another friend and mentioned the book. Belatedly, I remembered to ask about the Church’s nihil obstat.

A cradle-Catholic and raised by strict parents, she knew exactly what I was talking about. She told me that growing up she was only ever allowed to read books that had received this approval.

“Where…how… do I get this? Who do I talk with about it?” I asked. Come to learn that there’s a priest in each diocese (the Vicar General) assigned to reviewing, when asked, manuscripts of writers from their local parishes.

I live in an area with many such writers, apparently, keeping our already-stretched priests busy with these manuscript reviews. Of course there was a queue.

Still, only a few months later, I received my official Nihil Obstat. I felt like a kid in school, who’d just been given an A+ on her term paper. ‘Nothing objectionable here’ took on outsized significance for me.

Anyway, that’s some of what took up the last 724,320+ minutes (that would be about 14-15 months). I was almost ready to return to posting online, or so I thought.

The Holy Spirit was not quite done with this work

This was about the time I learned the Holy Spirit was not yet quite finished. There He was again with more suggestions, which would surely provide a new height (or depth) to my long list by now of humbling experiences.

He said, “Not everyone is going to go to the trouble of pulling out this pretty little book every time they want to pray a Rosary. You (that would be me) should do audio recordings of each set of Rosary Mysteries using these meditations and post them online for people to pray with on their own.

And, (he continued) I think it would be helpful if we had an addendum of questions and discussion, which people could use as a personal retreat or which small study or prayer groups could use to stimulate discussion and possibly write their own Rosary reflections.”

“Okay, okay…I’m on it,” I responded. (Or as our mother, Mary might have said, more graciously and more humbly: “Here I am, Your servant, Lord, be it done unto me according to Your Word.”)

I eventually had to get a better microphone and learn to use sound recording software. Whoever knows the technical meanings of clicks, tracks, loops, grooves, and clips in the audio world, raise your hand. Or the difference between dynamic, condenser, and ribbon mics? How ‘bout pop filters?

Weary and begging for help

Throughout this phase of the project, I’ll admit to more than once, when I was like, “seriously, Lord! I can’t do this without You!”

Still, it was kind of strange. I never became full-on angry or despairing. Believe me when I say that I have felt angry feelings in years past with my ineptitude. I know what they are like.

But I was pretty sure that He wanted me to do all this. I knew I didn’t need to get angry to get His attention. From past experience I knew He’d provide the answers I needed, just when I needed them, and from someone (“keep your eyes and ears open, daughter”) with the perfect solution.

So, current status?

The audio recordings have been sent off for final editing. They should be ready for sharing soon. And in the meantime I’m working on the study addendum, which is about half finished. Of course, I’ve over-complicated it. It seems to be the way I learn in my world. But, with these new tools, I hope to begin again soon, sharing more regularly AND with Our Father’s help and grace, more frequently.

Thank You, Lord, for always being there for me in my need.

I hope you’ll join with me as I venture forward with what God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit are calling us to do and to be here in this space. At least part of His plan for me, I know, is to share all this with you and then let the Holy Spirit — that all-good, trust-worthy, and grace-filled Being, who is the third person of our Holy Trinity — to have His Way with us and whatever it is He’s creating here, now, in our world.

One of the ways He’s called me to be, and then do here, is to pray. With continual inspiration from our Holy Spirit, I hope to pray effective prayers for and with others.

As we get know one another better, I hope you’ll grow comfortable sharing your thoughts and concerns here. It would be such a gift to have the opportunity to pray with you, talking with Our Father on your behalf.

Regardless, I would love to hear your stories of how our God communicates with you in your life. How He walks with you and calls you to action as part of His plan.

Or if you’re new to prayer, unfamiliar with how to pray and feeling clumsy in what to say, I’d like to hear from you too. I think in times past prayer was more natural for us humans, but I don’t think it comes so naturally today especially if one feels alone or unworthy…uninvited maybe. I’ve been there. There are answers to all your questions, even questions you didn’t know you had.

He’s there for each of us, just waiting for us to say, “yes,” and walk with Him.

I look forward to being here with you again soon and reflecting more on our prayer time. If you know anyone whom you think would enjoy receiving these posts and being part of the conversation, please invite them to join us.

In the meantime, let me leave you with some quotes from others wiser than I about prayer and its power to transform our lives and our world.

More on the power and the promise of prayer

Jesus promises, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7-8.

“Prayer is a surge of the heart, it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.” St. Therese of Lisieux.

“One reason that we don’t receive what we want through prayer is that we give up too easily. What could be behind this rule of prayer? (St.) Augustine said that God sometimes delays in giving us what we want because he wants our hearts to expand. The more ardently we desire something, the more ready we are when it comes, the more we treasure it. The very act of asking persistently is accomplishing something spiritually important. So when the Lord seems slow to answer your prayer, never give up.” Daily Gospel Reflections from Bishop Barron, October 16, 2022

“Jacob (in Genesis) wrestles all night with a mysterious figure who refuses to reveal his name, but he blesses [Jacob] before leaving him at dawn. From this account, the spiritual tradition of the Church has retained the symbol of prayer as a battle of faith and as the triumph of perseverance” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, n. 2573)

Finally, Brother Lawrence, a French monk, born in the early 1600’s, is famous for his conversations about how to practice the presence of God. He made his whole life a prayer, with his only objective to be his love of God.

In his second conversation, he said, “that he had always been governed by love, without selfish view; and that having resolved to make the love of GOD the end of all his actions, he had found reasons to be well satisfied with his method. That he was pleased when he could take up a straw from the ground for the love of GOD, seeking Him only and nothing else, not even His gifts.” (Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence)